Originally posted here on February 19, 2018
So . . . . when I first decided to start writing this blog, the first thing that came to mind was to start with The First Agreement "Be impeccable with your word". And because I can be a bit OCD, I thought, well, the next one "HAS" to be about the second agreement. However, that is not how life happens, life does not happen in the order we want, or the order we predict, life just happens!! Therefore, I have decided to write about whatever theme keeps popping up, or lesson I am learning at the moment. Yesterday, I finished reading The Master of Self by Don Miguel Ruiz Jr. There are so many wonderful lessons in this book, many of which HeatherAsh addresses in Warrior Goddess Training. The first one that I want to address is attachment.
When I first started on this journey, I believed attachment referred more to material objects, ideas, and beliefs. I started giving up things, downsizing. I let go of a lot of old agreements or ways of thinking, and realized there is not just one correct way to do anything, there are many. I continue to practice this idea of liberating myself from attachments by continuing to let go of these old agreements, but it is a process. Though, during this process I have learned that attachment has many meanings.
The attachment to outcome, and the letting go of expectations, is the one I am focused on at the present moment. I have decided to take action in some areas of my life, whereas in the past I would have just accepted things the way they were. I hate to make waves or create tension, or the idea of confrontation. But I have decided that my voice needs to be heard, and I am not attached to the outcome. I cannot sit and pout if I was not assertive and did not advocate for myself. At least if I speak my truth, and take action, I have done my best. If people listen, great! If they don't, great?!? And maybe it's time to move on.
Letting go of expectations is something I have taught my yoga students for years. This is parallel with not being attached to the outcome. For example, if one of my yoga students shows up to class and I am out of town, they can be mad at me because I am not there, or they can take the class with the sub, or they can go home and pout, etc. Or, what if a student shows up to yoga class and she is feeling great, but when we do a series of balance poses, she is wobbly and can't hold the poses. She can beat herself up, judge herself, or just be proud of herself for showing up and giving it her best effort.
My 14 year old daughter is in a time of her life where she is very attached to the outcome. She is graded at school, and she feels if she doesn't have straight A's, she is not good enough. She is a gymnast and she is judged on her routines and given a score to reflect that. It is a fine line as a mother. I remind her often that the grade or the score do not reflect what kind of person she is or who she really is. Her grades/scores do not equal her authentic self.
This is not to say that we should not have any expectations of ourselves or others, but when we attach too much importance to something we have no control over, we are setting ourselves up for some drama. Letting go of these attachments and expectations will ultimately allow us to have more control. So, here's to more work and practice of letting go of our attachments and expectations!
Rachel Warrior Goddess